Mindstate Motivation Blog

How You Act Is How People React

b2ap3_thumbnail_j0227797Human nature is a weird thing when you really think about it.  While we are all very different, we are also very much alike.  Does that sound like an oxymoron to you?  Some of you may be wondering what oxymoron means.  Well, it does not mean a panicked moron with a bag over his or her head trying to cut down the overflow of oxygen resulting in hyperventilation.   It seems contradictory to say we are different and alike all in one sentence. That’s an oxymoron.

Truth is though, while we are all different, we are very much alike when it comes to interacting with each other.  Psychologists would tell us in any human interaction there is always a couple of dynamics at play.  One has to do with the personal aspects of the interaction and the other has to do with the impersonal aspects of why the interaction is taking place…the purpose of the conversation, in other words.

I relate to these dynamics of human interaction through what I call the “Push/Pull Theory of Human Interaction.”   The theory suggests we have the push, if you will, of the personal aspects of the interaction possibly hindering getting us to the pull of the purpose for that interaction.

I’ll explain the whole concept a little more.  The personal dynamics taking place in any human interaction are focused on the people involved.  For example, let’s say you and I are involved in an interaction.  The personal dynamics between us can get in the way of transference of information in our discussion.

From your side of this interaction, you may be more focused on how I am dressed; or the way I walk; or the way I say things, etc., rather than the message I am delivering.  Focusing on those superficial aspects of me, as a person, may hinder gaining from the message.  In other words, if you’re uncomfortable with my dress, my walk, and my talk it can be a real blockage to the purpose of this discussion.  Those personal dynamics sometimes can be so powerful that they give us the feeling we need to push away from the interaction.  They overwhelm any feeling of wanting to be pulled into the purpose for the discussion.

The point is the push of uncomfortable personal dynamics is very unproductive because people are focused on the superficial aspects of the relationship. People are pushed away from the more productive pull gained from wanting to learn from the purpose of the interaction.  “Personal Push” will almost inevitably defeat “Purpose Pull.”    People are either pulling together or they are pushing apart.  This is true in every human interaction.

The heart of this issue is trust.  “Purpose Pull” cannot be maximized until the other person feels a sense of trust in you.  That’s a Big 10-4, over and out! PERIOD!  Trust is what keeps the heart of every human interaction beating.

Now, there’s a wonderful word, Trust.  The hard thing about trust is…it’s not easy!  I mean…think about it.  Can we just say, “Trust me” and people immediately drop their barriers?  Heck we have a pill for everything else.  Wouldn’t it be great if we had a pill for trust?  “Here swallow this and trust me!”  Doesn’t work like that, does it?

Your challenge is “Personal Push” is an absolute blockage to another person reacting to you favorably because it generally exists only when people don’t trust you.  Your first task in any human interaction is to minimize “Personal Push” quickly so trust begins to build.  The book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie is probably the finest resource as to how to do that, in my opinion.

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